Background: I had a kidney Stone attack when I was 34 weeks pregnant and had a stent inserted which was was due to come out during the planned c-section which was secheduled for 2 weeks after Raiden was actually born, however due to the amount of pain I was in and the bleeding, we moved up the C-Section date. Raiden was born at 36 weeks.
I dont even know where to begin to be honest. Lets see.. the story begins the Sunday night before B-Day. My mom arrived that day and already I felt alot more calm about the future events that were about to unfold. Jean and I went out for our "last dinner" as planned and we discused our future and how having 2 children would change our lives and how we were going to handle it and how we were coping about our feelings etc... it was a much needed chat.
We woke up at 5 the next morning as we needed to be at hospital at 6. My plan was thro to get there at 5:30am as I REALLY wanted a private ward and I thought if I got there early my chances would be good. There was no power and I thought to myself, "is this a sign of some sort?" I had a feeling something was "off" no - wait, I think thats the wrong word, I wasnt scared of something bad or something was going to happen, but I was very worried about Raiden and I told Jean after I got out of my candle light shower that he mustnt give the nurses so much trouble this time around if they want to keep Raiden in the incubator a little longer as shes going to be alot smaller than Dillon when she was born, he agreed and promised to behave himself this time around. Jean was starting to get ......... emotional at this stage already.
We get into the car and we were on our way! On our way to the complex gate, Jean takes the corner too sharply and well, bursts his tyer on the corner of the pavement - We hadnt even gotton out of the complex yet! We get to the complex gate and I decided to get out the car to look.. and true as bob... the tyer is stuffed! Sigh! Ok - fine, turn around, park the car, Jean runs in to fetch my car keys, swop cars, off we go - again! So much for getting to the hospital early to get the private ward!
We get to hospital and yip - 2 other woman arrived before me and they got the private wards! *DOUBLE SIGH!* Infact, there were 5 of us that wanted the private wards (there are only 2) and 2 ladies were in labour, 2 in the wards already and little old me arrived last! Anyway, life goes on... I get taken to my semi-private room and its nice, Im shareing a bathroom with the ward next door - 4 beds to 1 bathroom, not too bad! I change and get into bed, thinking well, as doc said Im going to be last on the list I might as well get comfy and maybe have a snooze. Nope - change of plan, Im now first on the list because of the stent removal as well. COOL!!!! Im very excited, Jean is ... well Jean... he starts phoning the family to let them know. The anethitist comes around to meet me - LOVELY MAN... smelt nice too!
Im all calm and relaxed. The next thing I know.. Im being shaved, dripped and pushed out of the ward to theater... my heart starts racing!!!!!!!!!! FAST!!!!!!! Im not ready for this, Im in a panic!!!!! I start crying, Jean starts crying... no... what have I done?? This isnt right!!!! Its too soon!
Jean gets taken to get dressed, Im in theater waiting for him to come back... there are doctors and nurses everywhere, all around me, Im thinking "What on earth is going on?" Why all the fuss? There is all this huge equipment being pushed in the room, TV monitors etc... The anethist notices my BP is climbing and my pulse is racing... he starts with the jokes... and Im laughing, Doc arrives and she gives me a cubble... she starts with the jokes, the urologist arrives, hes professional but warm. The pead arrives and Im THRILLED! He was on leave the week before and I wasnt sure if Doc let him know of the change of date, but hes there! My Raiden is in his hands, good hands! Im happy!
I get the spinal, which was wonderful... and my legs get put up and Im spread open for all too see... but they cover me up quickly - my heart is racing.. Im feeling dizzy... Anethist gives me meds to slow down my pulse and lower my BP, and the jokes are still coming. Jean is wonderful, hes telling me exactly what everyone in the room is up too and that Im not exposed and that he loves me. Doc puts on music and everyone is in a good mood. I still cant believe how many people are in the room with us!
The urologist removes the stent which I asked to see. What a strange thing to have inside of one... anyway, that was interesting, I also got to see what the inside of my bladder looks like on the TV, not that interesting
Right, time for the main event!!!!!I decide this time around, Im going to watch the event in the light above me's reflection.... Doc cuts.... cool.. she cuts some more and starts opening me up.. Im fasinated, it dosnt feel like Im watching myself, its like watching ER on TV.
There she is.... I see my little Raidens head moving still inside of me in the reflection... she tries to move out of docs hands... doc is laughing... she grabs the foreceps and I shout at doc "dont you bruise my child!!!" She laughs!! I laugh!!
And there she is... this little pink and white thing.. I cant remember if I thought it or said it out loud, but I say "Cry!!!!" She cries.... its softer than Dillons first cry... its differant. I watch as Jean cuts the cord and pead takes her... I watch and listen... Im calm. Jean brings her to me and I hold her... shes so so small I think. She looks just like Dillon, but with blond hair. No, shes differant, she looks just like Dillon, but she dosnt. I love her! Im crying.
They take her and Jean goes with. I lay there watching the docs sew me up, they are still making jokes. Im happy. They wheel me to recovery and doc phones maternity ward to ask the birth weight, she calls the weight out to me.. 2.380g!!! I tell doc "THATS SMALL!!!" She nods back.
Im back in the ward... all alone. Jean comes to me and tells me Raidens oxygen levels are a little low so they want to keep her in the incubator for another hour. I thought as much. Jean is now hungry and tells me hes going home to fetch my mom and Dillon and grab some food, he will be back now now. I say fine.
Im all alone again. An hour passes and no one. I see no one. Im starting to feel my legs again and I can feel blood running on my legs. I start feeling the cut, so I push the call botton for a nurse. I ask for pain killers before the pain arrives with full steam and the nurse nods and leaves... 30mins go by. The pain has arrived, but not my pain killers. I cant find my cell phone either. I dont know where my husband is, where my child is or my pain killers... Im still all alone! I call a nurse again.. a new nurse comes, I ask for pain killers... 20mins go by, still nothing and no one!
Im crying now, not from pain, but from abandonment. WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE AND WHERE THE "F" IS MY PHONE!!! I call a nurse AGAIN... on the 5th call... the nurse arrives and Im mad... I give her a piece of my mind! While Im doing this one of the theater nurses comes in to check on me.. I tell her, I have asked for pain killers 5 times already, I have NOT seen or heard a thing about my child and I dont know where my husband is and Im laying in a pool of blood... she hits the roof and goes to the head sister in charge. I get my pain killers 10 seconds later and while Im getting the injection in walks Jean, my MIL, my mom and Dillon.. with my phone that Jean had taken with him for some reason! I climb into them and while Im giving them a piece of my mind, the theater nurse wheels in Raiden in the incubator to me. Im allowed to put my hand in to touch her. The room is silent, I put my hand in and Im holding her fingers.... shes so small, shes just so small.. Im speechless and I feel guilty! "Why did I do this!, why did I take her out before she was ready??" Its my fault! I start crying.
Now at this point I want to be left alone so I send everyone home. I lay there waiting for my child. The pead comes in and gives me an update. "Shes still on oxygen and they tried taking her out now, but her levels dropped too low, so shes back in the incubator. They will try again in an hours time and bring her to me for a feed. " I wait. They try again and her levels dropped too low again. Her sugur level is too low too so they feed her via a tube through her nose (15ml formula). Im devastated!
I spend the rest of the afternoon sitting in the nursary with her, just holding her hand. At about 9 that night, they take her out and give her to me and I feed her, she was so hungry and latched straight away. She opened her eyes and looked at me and I melted. My baby is here and I love her!
And thats my long emotional story
(the short version)
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