Its the weekend... baaaaby!

"Its the weekend... baaaaby!" is what we say on Fridays, this was of course, shamelessly stolen from Gareth Cliff but thats a story for another day.

Ive spoken before about the pure, innocent honestly that children process and this was proven once again last night while tucking Raiden in for the evening. She looked at me with such love in her eyes and then blurted out "Your fat mom, you are fat because you are big"
*crickets chirping*
I have no words to say about that, and as much as my heart and soul was crushed and I had to fight back the tears which was welling up in my eyes, I knew she was right. She did nothing wrong, she was not being mean or trying to hurt me, she was just saying it like it is.. the pure innocent honestly. Good thing, I already knew this and already had made plans to sign up with Weighless this week :) So its now my mission - I dont want to be that fat mom, I want to be me.. and as much as being fat is me, it wasnt always me. I used to be young, thin, beautiful! Boys liked me! Boys asked me out and noticed me... and I danced.. I loved dancing.. I was always out dancing and I remember my mom telling me when I was about 18 that if Im not careful, I will end up looking like her.. and I laughed at her.. I said NEVER.. cause I dance, I will always dance!.... Well I stopped dancing, I stopped clubs and the parties.. I choose my husband and my children and settled down - just somewhere around the same time, I forgot to dance and got lazy and FAT! I miss the thin me and I know she is inside this body somewhere, I just need to find her... add on to that, new boobs, a tummy tuck, full body wax and maybe a good facial and I will be back to normal :) Then again, what is "normal".. on who's standards is "normal" set against? For years I have been comfortable in my own skin, I have always known I was on the bigger side of life, but okay with it. Why has this changed now? Maybe its cause Im not getting any younger, Im getting old and I can feel it. I want to be beautiful again, not for the boys or my clubing friends.. for my children, so they can grow up with a good role model and I can lead by example for them. So they wont have to be embarrassed by me, so I can make them proud. For my husband, lets face it - hes a man and all men want a hot chick in their arms as much as they wont always admit it out loud. Sure, they love us... but I want HIM to lust after me. To be proud of his hot wife and maybe then he will want to take me out dancing sometime? LOL

So this is it - this week, Im going to weighless for the first time..I have no great expectations or huge outrageous goals. Im just taking 1 step at a time and going to go with the flow. Im not going to shock my system or myself in any way, but Im going to make this a life changing event slowly and correctly. This is my goal for myself and my family.. to be the very best I can be... for them!