The beginning..

Okay, so this is my first post and I must be honest, I have no idea where to begin, but I suppose I should start from the beginning (makes sense dosnt it?).

I have been asked a few times over the past few years to start a blog by friends. For some strange reason some people seem to think I can be funny or rather whats the word they use.. witty. *shugs*. Anyway so I thought I would give this a go and see what happens. I actually cant see why anyone would want to read this or have any interest in what I have to say, but who knows?

A little background on me I guess is a good place to start. My name is Tracy, wife and mother to two gorgeous little girls, whom I have fond memories of them being just little babies not too long ago. Dillon (now aged 4) and Raiden (now aged 3). Yes, they are close together, 11 months apart infact and I suppose as anyone with this age gap or twins can tell you, the only way to stay sane is by a) having and keeping a sense of humor and b) be on first names basis with the bottle store owner down the road! No, not really, Im only kidding, but it does help!! :) noooo - Im kidding... or am I? - you decide!

I am very fortunate as I have been able to stay at home with my girls. I was a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) from Dillons birth right through until she turned 3. It was a combination of needing the extra money and the girls being old enough for a more structured day routine and some social interaction that forced me to find a job. After a few months of job hunting, I finally found a half day job, but what turned out to be half day ended up being 2x days full day and 3x days half day and this impacted the girls greatly. I loved working again and being able to actually talk about things other than nappies, feeding routines, burping and Barney but my family life was suffering and the older the girls got, the more I realised how much they needed me and their home. This, added to the normal amount of guilt levels all mothers carry around in their hearts, was breaking me. I wanted more for them, I wanted to take them to swimming lessons (large bodies of any water and my girls scare the living crap out of me!) to learn how to swim, I wanted to take them to ballet, horse riding, the beach.. none of these things I could do while working.. so I piled up more guilt to my load. Then there was the housework and shopping that I needed to keep up with. Piled on more guilt! Somewhere inbetween working, being a mother to 2 toddlers, running a household - I was also a wife! My poor husband seemed to come last most of the time. Lucky for me, he is oblivious to most things in life and was in the throws of keeping his little software development company a float and running. He works ridiculous amounts of time and was to preoccupied to realise that no one was actually happy with the then currant situation. After a few months he started to realise that I was bitching unusually more than usual. I was tired.. I was exhausted and it was taking its toll on me and his business was taking off and things were looking good after all his hard work was paying off. I remember the night my husband came into the bedroom and offered me a job! I felt like I can only imagine what winning the lotto must feel like.. it was as if all my dreams were coming true. I would be working half day from home.. I would be getting paid to stay at home...to be able to spend more time with my girls and after all... I could sleep with the boss, what more could I ask for :) So thats where I am now.. working for my very hard working husband from home. My mornings consist of doing whatever he asks or needs me to do and my afternoons are spent playing moms taxi, carting the girls around to extra murals, shopping or visiting friends. In my eyes - I HAVE IT ALL! The best balance in life that anyone could ever ask for and of course I owe it all to my husband, he is the one that has been able to grant me this life that I love so much! I am truly grateful.

Anyway - where was I?..working.. bla, bla.. being grateful..bla,bla.. oh yes.. my girls :) I love them, I truly do.. but like most mothers, there are days I want to shove them back where they came from. My dad always used to say to us while growing up "I brought you into this world, I can take you out" but it was always said in jest (I hope!) but it wasnt until I was a parent that I realised how often those jestful sayings, were not said in jest and somewhere there was a sense of meaningful honestly in there. If you are a mother, you will know what I mean, sometimes its just tough, its hard, its painful, its cruel, frustrating and just plain heartbreaking. Then there are those moments where a simple look, a shy smile, a tiny hug or a big wet kiss that just makes everything all better and worth while. I never for once in my BC (before children) life thought how much my childs giggle would light up my life and make me forget all my troubles and problems.

So this is where I am now.. this blog is about me and my girls, whom are my life!