Butternut soup - THE BEST EVER!!!

This is the only soup I actually make, cause its the only soup that it worth making! A firm family fav in our household, even the girls have second helpings :)

45ml (3tbsp) butter

2 onions finely chopped

500ml (2cups) diced butternut

1 green apple peeled and diced

45ml (3tbsp) cake flour

5-10ml curry powder

pinch ground nutmeg or cumin

750ml chicken stock

375ml milk

grated rind and juice of 1 orange

salt, ground pepper and sugar

90ml cream to serve

1. Heat the butter and saute the onions until soft

2. Add butternut and apple and saute for 3 mins

3. Stir in the flour, curry powder and nutmeg and mix in with veggies

4. Add the stock, milk and orange juice with the rind to the veggies.

5. Bring to the boil and simmer slowly for 15-20mins or until the veggies are soft.

6. Puree in a food processor

7. Reheat the soup in a clean pot and season with salt, pepper and sugar.

8. Serve with a swirl of cream and fresh bread.

A little cooking...Banana Bread

Banana Bread
This I make often for my girls. (and Jean) - they love it and whats so cool about this one is that you dont have to make a bread out of it, just spoon the mixture into muffin tins and boom.. you have banana muffins :)

2 eggs
1 cup banana pulp
1 3/4 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 cup sugar
1 tbsp oil
1 tsp bi-carb

1. Beat eggs and sugar together, add oil and banana. Mix WELL
2. Add flour, bi-carb and baking powder and fold in gently.
3. Bake at 180c for about 45mins or until done. (stick a tooth pick in to test if its done, but Ive learnt that as soon as you can smell the banana bread from the next room, its done!!)

A little cooking - Cheese Puffs

Considering this blog is for my girls, something they can read when they are older and maybe use for some insight into life, themselves, motherhood and all the other wonderful things that comes with being an adult, I thought it might be a good idea to include some of my favorite recipes.

So girls, here they are... use them, dont use them, make up your own, discover new things and happy cooking :)

Cheese Puffs
Granny used to make these for me A LOT as a child, infact it was one of the only things she ever baked regardless of what she says!! This was it, every bake sale for school, every plate of snacks she ever had to make and take.. this was it! She used to make them fancy by slicing them open and fill them with butter and grated cheese (cause well, you can never have too much cheese hay? lol) and then sprinkle them with some fresh parsley.

Pre-Heat oven to 180c

1/2 cup of milk
1 egg
1 pinch salt
1 cup flour
1 cup grated cheese
2 tps baking powder
cayenne pepper

1. Beat egg and milk together
2. Add remaining ingredients and mix together to a smooth batter
3. Spoon into a greased muffin tin (use the really small one!!) for about 10 mins

Good Enough

I remember after Dillon was born, I read all 3 of Sam Cowen's books about her experiences as a new mom, a second time mom and the ups and downs, highs and lows that came with it. Reading about someone elses life experiences can be funny, amusing and at times thankfull for your own life.

I sit here in my home on a Monday morning thinking about my life. Am I a good enough mother, good enough wife, good enough daughter, even a good enough friend. The answer is not a clear cut out black and white answer is it? Sometimes I deserve a friggen award for some of the shit I deal with, more importantly HOW I deal with it... sometimes, I should be dragged out into the road and shot and used as a prime example of how not to act!

Am I perfect? Hell no.. but show me someone who is? So if I am "normal" then why do I have these feelings of inadequacies when it comes to my personal relationships? I feel that I give more than my fair share of understanding, I would drop everything to help a friend in need, I love my children more than life itself, I am grateful for everything my husband does and provides for us and I make a point of showing it to him.. so why do I always feel like Im not liked? Why do I always feel like Im getting the short end of the stick?

This is something the shrink picked up when I went to see him about my low self esteem about motherhood... even through he assured me that I am by no means a bad mother, infact he had some very positive things to say, he was still concerned about my low self worth and when he wanted to dig deeper with this.. I stopped going to see him. Maybe that was a bad choice? Maybe I should have looked into this more? Maybe it is all in my head and maybe I should just put my big girl panties and get over it.

I miss my girls right now, I feel like scooping them up in my arms and just holding them tight! I think about all the friends that I have lost over the years, some of those friendships I ended cause it was a toxic relationship, some ended it with me.. some we just drifted apart and I think to myself how sad it is that I once had a connection with these people. They were all once very dear to me and how they are just no more apart of my life. The friendships might have ended cause I might have been a bad friend, I might have been a bad person to them, but when I look at my girls, I know deep down that I cant be that bad. I have made 2 very special little people, so full of love and beauty. If making them was the only good I have ever done in my life, then my life was well spent!

Coming to terms...

I know I seem to be obsessed with this whole starting "big" school thing next year for Dillon, but it does play hectic games on my heart.

I drove passed the primary school yesterday and as I glared at the big building my mind was flooded with the thought of "this institution, will be the place that will build the foundation of my childs future". Everything she will learn, will help shape her into being the woman she will one day become. Every experience she will encounter in that place, will help mould her personality in the future.

The cherry on top was last night, she came to be and said to me "Mommy, something is bugging me". I sat down with her and asked her to explain to me what was bugging her. She started crying saying that she dosnt want to go to big school next year cause she is scared of the work!!!???

I had a nice long chat with her while she sat on my lap and I explained how school works and if she dosnt understand something or gets confused, she can then come home after the school day and ask mommy or daddy to explain it to her until she understands. I explained how the school day runs, about breaks and assembly and the Lords Pray. I told her how new and exciting it will be and how well she will do. I actually found myself explaining all of this not to Dillon, but to myself as well. My child went to bed happy and confident about something that is only going to be happening in about 7 months time.. and so did I!

You know.. there are stories about every school, some good and some bad and without actually being apart of the school, I cant judge them. So I will take one day at a time and so will my child. I guess that goes with everything in life dosnt it?

Where has the time gone??

Shew!! Its been awhile since my last post, where has the time gone? So update..

Dillon got her acceptance letter for Gordons Bay Primary for next year, grade 1! As soon as I opened the letter and read the first line which had Dillon's name and the word "accepted", I burst out crying.. hectically  Jean just held me and let me cry until it was out of my system. Words cannot express how this makes me feel! A) I feel relieved that my child will be getting an education next year (due to the school shortage issues we have here in the Helderberg, if not the Western Cape). Its our local government school, it may not be the best school in the area, cause well - lets face it, one hears stories about every school! But its a school, which seems to also have a good sport programme and they also seem organised which is a good thing. To be honest, I cant really comment as I have no first hand experience yet with the school. B) My BABY is going to big school, Im talking homework, uniforms, school books, lunches - the whole package! C) My BABY is growing up!!!!! D) My BABY is GROWING UP!!! This changes everything dosnt it? I mean, no more play school, no more "I dont feel like wearing shoes today mom", this means a whole new routine, a whole new bag of issues and problems and drama and all the shit that comes with a school going child.. friends, boys, schoolwork, grades, stationary going missing, sport days, sleep outs, parties.. ai ai ai!! This also means my child is a child... not a baby, not a toddler.. but a child.. a child that I need to learn to let go with... let go just a little, tiny bit! I need to learn to lengthen the rope so she can venture out just a little more without me.. to make her own mistakes and to learn from them. Oh the fun she will have! The new friends, the new experiences and the life lessons she will sadly have to learn. My only wish for her school going years is that she can never have regrets, that she can and will come to me for advice, help, assistance and that Im strong enough to not want to take a hockey stick to every dickhead or bitch that upsets or hurts my child. How do I protect her, when I need to start giving her the space and freedom she needs to grow? How? The only way that makes sense, is to handle this milestone in her life like every other before this... I take one day at a time, I take one challenge at a time and I do what I feel is best! It may not always be what is best for her or me or the situation, cause well - I also make mistakes, but I will keep trying and I will keep at it.. somewhere along the lines, it will all fall into place. Her happiness and safety is the most important things to me and sometimes those two aspects collide, but tough!

So ja - this is going to be an adventure for both Dillon and myself, lets hope it will be a fun one :)

Raiden.... if someone told me a year ago that she would be even cuter in a years time, I would have thought was rubbish.. she couldnt possibly get any cuter than she already is! She is!!! She is something so special! Mad as a hatter, but so so cute! I wonder how she will be next year when her big sister is at big school. How she will handle it, will she freak out or will she enjoy doing something on her own for a change without always having Dillon around? I think next year will be good for both of them, for a change they wont be doing the same thing and going to the same place.. they will each have their own lives so to speak. Im still trying to work on Raiden's writing skills (without putting ANY pressure of her at all)... its a slow process.. so slow that we have had no progress since the start :( But no rush! She will get there, when she is ready and when she wants to! At least she is showing an interest now. She is so my child, in so many ways!