Be careful of what you wish for..

The girls and I were in Steers tonight and while waiting for our order a mom and her son walked in, the son was about Dillon's age give or take a few months.

The girls were running around the place like mad things and the more I tried to stop them and tell them to calm down, the more they lost control.. it was at that point I turned my head and noticed the little boy that was so peacefully standing with his mom, all calm and well behaved and at that moment I sighed and secretly wished my girls could be more like this little boy.

Then I realised something about this little boy..something was "wrong"... then I noticed how his mother was interacting with him, she was constantly engaging with him and trying to keep him focused on something. He then noticed my girls and started to walk towards Dillon and I could see he was about to hit her or push her or something. His mom quickly stopped him and distracted him with a clapping game.. this happened twice and I didnt do or say anything I just watched to see what was going on, then it dawned on me.. this little boy was autistic.. if not autistic, he was definitely a special needs child.

I sat there waiting for my order half watching the girls running around and half watching this mom and her son and I noticed how she was doing the same to me and my girls. I noticed the smiles she gave me and the girls and the expressions on her face. This mom was so full of love for her child who clearly needs her undivided attention 24/7, I could see she was tired yet she constantly interacted with her son to keep him occupied, I noticed that while I secretly wished my girls would be calm and "well behaved" like her son, she looked as if she had secretly wished a few things too while watching the girls play together and run around me.

So be careful of what you wish for... you dont know what its like to walk in another mothers shoes. 

Birthday cakes and their meaning...

With the girls birthdays being so close and my moms birthday smack bang in the middle and Jean's birthday shortly after Dillons birthday it seems that I spend I good month baking cupcakes and cakes and the other day while I was moaning about it (purely to hear the sound of my own voice, not cause I actually have a problem with all the baking) saying that next time I think Im just going to order the cakes, my mom pointed out something to me. She said - the girls will grow up knowing and thinking back about how all their birthday cakes were made by their mom and how it would bring them good memories.

This got me thinking... I think my mom has a point. I wont be winning any "mommy of the year award", I know this! There are a lot of areas in motherhood that I suck at, I know this too.. but if one day when I die and my girls are grown woman and they are going through photos and chatting about their childhood and their memories, this just might be something they will remember and hopefully appreciate, maybe even laugh and smile about. By no means is cake baking supposed to make up for all the mistakes Ive made being their mother.. losing my temper over split juice or depriving them of that cupcake cause I felt they didnt deserve it or even shouting at them cause I was tired and just wanted some peace and quite.. but this could be one thing that could replace a bad memory with a good one... maybe.

I wouldnt go as far to say that I LOVE baking their cakes.. but I do enjoy it, I enjoy it cause while Im mixing and pouring and waiting for the cakes to come out the oven and getting cramps in my hands from performing the tedious task of icing the cakes.. I think of the joy Im going to see in their faces.. the smiles and the "thats AWESOME mom!" comments. I enjoy the very serious conversations weeks before the actual birthdays about what they want their cakes to look like and what colours and themes they want. I enjoy the thought of making their wishes come true and gladly and lovingly giving my children exactly what THEY want for their very special day.. the day they entered the world, the day they gave ME the best birthday gift.. themselves!

So if it means I have to do this every year for the next 45 years - so be it. I will gladly give them this little bit of good memories :)